Butterflies

I came across a quote that said," Hope is the struggle of the soul, breaking loose from what is perishable and attesting her eternity"

This reminded me of the butterfly struggling in its cocoon and as it is struggling it is building strength to take flight. As I am reflecting on this battle of "cancer", which is such a struggle somedays and really no fun at all, I have learned to release it to God because it isn't my battle at all but the Lord's. As  he is stretching me in many ways I am learning to persevere for sure, but it is my Faith which has grown so inconceivably. Without this struggle would I have gotten to this place with my Lord where I have to trust Him so much?? The strength developing within me is coming from the struggle. When the world says there is no hope, His word says there is hope.


Do we really Believe in our prayers being answered and God doing miracles?

Sometimes God draws us into nature and shows us a symbolic beauty of His creation to tell us something. I usually pay attention to these type of things when they happen to me, especially if it happens  more then once. For me  these last few months there have been a season of butterflies. Everywhere I go, even in places you wouldn't normally see a butterfly, a flutter sails by me as a reminder that my struggle is only temporary. I was sifting thru a box of things my Grandma had owned and a vase with butterflies appeared. I had even been googling on the internet the topic of enzymes, something so important to take with cancer patients and I just happened to stumbled across an enzyme that comes from a silkworms intestine where it allows it to digest the tough leaves and disolve its hard cocoon to take flight. Then there is a beautiful card a friend had sent with an illustration of a butterfly. I had even been listening to a CD by Sheryl Crow and in a beautiful song titled "Always on your side"she sang ,"Butterflies are free to fly." God definitly works in mysterious ways, trying to get our attention, sometimes so subtle we don't even realize he is teaching, molding speaking to us with signs and wonders other then an audible voice. I always ask for billboards because I miss the mark  and it would be so much easier if he would speak to us that way. So now, I look for these moments and maybe this might be my language with my heavenly father but  it sure calms my soul and gives me Hope. In these moments of quiet, He speaks to me loud and that is when I feel His breath of encouragement. I am going to get through this "transition" and  "fly."  I will celebrate "Life" and it will be victorious. I am embracing the power of the gospel because it "Speaks Life to Me."

"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly" - Proverb

Time to Celebrate

Britni @ Prom

Children really are your greatest accomplishments.
They can make you laugh, they can make you cry, they can make your heart race but nothing makes you prouder when you see them excel in Life and they give credit to God.I am so proud of all my kids.

Life does go on even in our struggles but my children which really are not children but young adults have been able to carry their own torch and stand firm while their Mom is doing what she needs to do to get well.

Britni medaling at States, Track & Field

I came home to celebrate my son's college graduation and my youngest daughter Britni's H.S. class project presentation, prom,qualifying and medaling at States. Each preparing their own way, making choices for their future. I am Blessed to have Amber, Chase & Britni in my Life. That's what Life is worth fighting for.

Chase Graduating from Point Park University

Great things coming ...

Hey all, well its been a few months with so much going on and when I have distractions it is hard to pen. So sorry...but I am doing well and will be traveling back west for follow-up.  I am BELIEVING in great results. I know the lord is doing His thing.

My favorite saying in the world is:

"Take time for the quiet moments as God whispers for the world is loud"

Isn't that the truth. So many times we are so anxious for His direction and in our busy lives we miss it. At least I have at times. Rest is so imperative when you are Healing. And that is exactly what I have been achieving to do. Taking walks, enjoying His scenic creation, and "being still knowing He is God." " letting Him orchestrate all things for the good." Its tough to do  in the storms of life but that is where I draw my strength. My Faith lies in Him with my Healing. It takes great patience waiting, enduring the struggle but the simplest pleasures of life and learning to enjoy "Today" are great big things. As I grasp ahold of God's hand to lead me, I envision the direction and comfort. He knows what is best for me.

 Soon I will  be able to do hold my Grandchildren's hands and feel the love that flows from my hand to theirs , that gives me great peace and Joy with so much laughter too!

Breakthrough...

MMR

As I come to the end of my 3 weeks at Wellspring Clinic I have endured numerous needles for IV infusions, oxygen, MMR, immune modulation, CT scans and a rigid diet. I had numerous days that I felt horrible and then I would rally the next day. I experienced tears and joy, questions and confirmations. My Grandchildren and daughter visited me and made me smile. Even though my adomen has been swollen like I was 6 months pregnant for months and I have been so uncomfortable it felt like an elephant was stepping on it, I have been able to see breakthrough. My daughter and I laughed when we could and relaxed in the sunshine. Although the IV's were putting extra fluid on me  we would have to adjust the treatment so I could be more comfortable. I have felt love, strength, healing and peace in Arizona and from home, friends afar encouraging me each day. God always giving me something positive to focus on.
Alternative therapy is mind, body and spirit. I have done each proponent and God has led me in every aspect, giving me direction with these channels.
Believing all this time that a comprehensive treatment of Natural therapy was going to kick this cancer, detox my liver and lymphatic system to give my body the strength it needs to fight this ugly disease.

Dr. Sam, clinic staff and friends

I had the wonderful experience of meeting new friends and visiting old. I was treated like I am their only patient. There was so much compassion and concern for my well being; I felt from all. They celebrated my birthday with me too. I have been blessed to experience  the support and prayers from so many and have seen God's hand in orchestrating the provision.

Poolside at the Timeshare

Each day I awoke to the warm desert sun and it's beauty without a cloud in the sky which was my inspiration, motivating me to keep believing God has a plan in this ordeal. Just keep on keeping on, one day at a time and giving me the ability through the fatigue. But yesterday as I woke up very early to feeling "ugh" again and knowing I had to take my daughter and grandchildren to the airport was looking like an impossible feat. I felt a sadness because I had to say good-bye. I was sweating profusely with cold chills then hot flashes. I was loosing massive quantities of fluid; to put it kindly, out of my body not knowing what was happening and feeling so horrible. Amber was contemplating weather to leave me with her " Mother" in this condition. I am so grateful for her support and loving maternal way with me. God knew I needed her here this week. As the morning continued and feeling a bit dehydrated I felt as though the balloon had popped in my abdomen and the massive gush of water that had been stored up, came off of me.  I felt I had  birthed a baby. But "No" baby. I have not had a flat stomach for awhile, so going through this uncomfortable, became clearer to me it was something that needed to happen. I was able to make it to the airport, rallying by noon.

True faith that is what this is! Doing this protocol has been no picnic these few weeks physically taxing on my body but my suffering doesn't compare to what  Christ suffered. So I will keep focusing on the victory , His word and no matter how difficult this trial is; I am believing in God's promise of healing.

What I didn't share with you was on Sunday my family and I went to a special healing service where people come from all over the world and experience God's Healing presence. Something very special happened that day. We had a special invite to this "little chapel" from a lady whom I had met at the clinic just on Friday. DO you Believe in divine appointments? I do!! As we are driving to this beautiful chapel  nestled in the valley of Camelback Mountain we are amazed at the beauty in the surroundings. There was limited seating and we knew we should be there early. SO something happened between that service on Sunday and Wednesday spiritually. I left that Chapel with solace and a peace knowing  I am on the right track with my healing. "Just be patient" I heard in the whisper of the trees. I felt His presence even though I couldn't see him I knew He was there. Even some of the best miracles in the bible took time. God is seeing my grief, my tears, pain and frustrations. I will continue to stand firm on His Word (Psalm: 125) if you trust in the Lord be Firm as Mt. Zion un-moving in any circumstance. God is getting me through......BELIEVE!

Cat Scan

Today, I started out drinking this Vanilla Milk shake of Barium. These are the things that I dont enjoy so much. I followed the directions and was able to consume the first container within the two hour window of the procedure and within minutes it expanded my abdomen. Feeling very bloated I continued with the protocal and started to not feel well. When I had a Cat Scan before the medical staff did not have me do Barium so this was my first experience of this routine. I was looking forward to getting this procedure done since it had been 2 months since I had the last one. Dr. Sam from Wellspring Clinic had the morning planned with all my other scans to compare. We wanted to see if there had been any obvious changes and of course after two weeks of treatment at the clinic I have been feeling so much better and confident that we will see change. So we are sitting and waiting for this test to get done and I am feeling more ill by the minute. A Cold sweat came over me and very nauseated tummy but able to keep it to my throat. I know yuck right. Then we get informed the Tech person was in a car accident and we won't be able to get this done today. Okay...I literally was sick to my stomach for more reasons then one. "So we have to reschedule your appointment for monday," the gal kindly says and apologises."We can give you a gas card if that will help you"...Uh , Heck with a gas card, I was upset and a bit selfish for the moment thinking I can't drink this stuff again. Then I was concerned for the well-being of this young man and wondered if he is ok. I prayed for him under my breath and accepted the fact that I will be back there on Monday. As I said goodbye to my Dr. and drove away within minutes from the clinic,  I flew the car door open in a very nice residential area , near a school and projectiled the vanilla shake of Barium 3 times. I was able to text my daughter as I felt I was going to pass out, Uh gross right. This I was trying to avoid and could know longer. I was able to get to the clinic which was fortunatly close by and continued getting sick, The staff saw immediately something was wrong as I layed on their bathroom floor very ill. My head was pounding. So that was my day...horrible. They were able to get fluids back in to me with an IV and a shot.
When these kind of things happen you think, ok lord what was my lesson today?  Patience, endurance,perseverance....I  cried on my way home from the clinic, crying out to God, why lord? All these experiences do bring greater compassion to others for I know I am not the only one who is experienceing these things. It just isn't fun! My strength today became my weakness amongst it all. I know the sun will shine tomorrow in this desert so I will press on believing still that God has a plan in all of this, I just need to keep praying and believing. I was grateful my daughter and grandchildren were at the hotal to greet me and change my focus of pity, Even in the toss and turn of the battle of cancer I will keep my focus on Him. (Psalm 62:5) My hope comes from Him)
Although I may be suffering through these test of Life as I call them, I am learning blessings of compassion and patience.

Birthdays

I Love Birthdays! When you are a child you look forward to blowing out the candles on the cake, making a wish and presents. As you get older flowers tickle your heart and bring joy. Some of us don't like to be reminded of a year gone by and the reality we are getting older. I look at them differant now. Today I received beautiful flowers, went out with a dear friend for dinner and bought shoes, lol...tradition to myself.

I celebrate today because I have so  much to be thankful for! This day is a celebration of who we are and a reminder each year of what we have accomplished and had to walk through. Birthdays are a reflection of our journey of Life and what it has taken us through. So I reflect on how blessed I have been to have had 6 more years to celebrate life when I shouldn't have. It's a day to celebrate  and thank-God, for this is another year, He has fullfilled His promise. But more importantly I have experienced  fullness in my Life because of this relationship with Christ. I have seen incredible events, sorrows and accomplishments in my family this year. Even in the midst of this threat of cancer I have peace. I am in the palms of his hands. So I rejoice today in God. Believing there is purpose in this trial. I am Alive, (John 11:4) states," this sickness will not end in death." In my Birthday Celebration I recognise He has brought me thus far and will continue to do so. My prayers have been answered and my birthday wish is to Live Life; another year gone by, a reminder of  (Titus 1:2) He is faithful.

The Clinic, the first few days...Let the Battle begin

It is always pure relief when I walk into those clinic doors. Because I know the care and compassion that exist's there. The genuine warm feeling the staff shows is comfort and healing. Dr. Sam's concern and understanding heart is on the forefront everyday, it is such a blessing to be under his care and expertise.

Monday Day 1: After my heart to heart with Dr. Sam I started my day with the usual thorough blood work and urine analysis. I was anxious to get that over because I had to fast and my belly was yelling "feeed me" then 75 cc of IV therapy of vitamin C, the microwave treatment which is lethal to cancer tissues but not injurious to other cells like radiation would be,  and an occasional shot in the buttock is quite a jolt to the system today. My body is getting an amazing amount of high quality supplements and it will boost my immune system but usually those first couple days, there can be a cleansing reaction and it whipps you. All those vital nutrients actually causes fatigue. I wasn't even quite sure how I drove back to my homestead. Thank God he is my pilot and is carrying me. I was able to relax for the evening.

Day 2: I woke up a bit more bloated in the abdomen today, the accumilation of fluid was very uncomfortable, probably from the IV's so I was anxious to get back to the clinic to  see my bloodwork results. I always get anxious to see these results because they tell the story. Dr. Sam was concerned about the fluid and the bloodwork so we  changed things up today and did a Poly-MVA IV with not so much fluid intake, no C's today, but I did  the microwave therapy which I should explain is this piece of equipment which heats up the area of concern above normal body temperature. I started oxygen today since cancer doesn't like that either. Dr. Sam thought a diretic to get some of the fluid off too. It's all about balance. The numbers from my blood work were not what I was expecting. I think we always have in the back of our mind that it isn't going to be that bad but numbers don't lie. The crazy thing was although my CA 125 marker was high, most everything else looked normal. Normal range should be <36, mine was 323 H. The CA 27.29 normal range should be <38 and mine was 794 H....Ugh, I wanted to cry.When I started this protocol 6 years ago I had more out of range results so was I to be encouraged by that??  Dr. Sam put on his game face with me and said we will fight this and get through it. He saw my frustration and ck'd on me periodically through out the day.

Day 3: Felt much better today upon arrival of the clinic...back to the IV of C's and usual protocol.
            After the clinic I wasn't as fatigued today so I went to Wed. evening church to receive my strength in God (Ex.15:2)...The Lord is my strength , he is my power, my lifter to face this trial