Cat Scan

Today, I started out drinking this Vanilla Milk shake of Barium. These are the things that I dont enjoy so much. I followed the directions and was able to consume the first container within the two hour window of the procedure and within minutes it expanded my abdomen. Feeling very bloated I continued with the protocal and started to not feel well. When I had a Cat Scan before the medical staff did not have me do Barium so this was my first experience of this routine. I was looking forward to getting this procedure done since it had been 2 months since I had the last one. Dr. Sam from Wellspring Clinic had the morning planned with all my other scans to compare. We wanted to see if there had been any obvious changes and of course after two weeks of treatment at the clinic I have been feeling so much better and confident that we will see change. So we are sitting and waiting for this test to get done and I am feeling more ill by the minute. A Cold sweat came over me and very nauseated tummy but able to keep it to my throat. I know yuck right. Then we get informed the Tech person was in a car accident and we won't be able to get this done today. Okay...I literally was sick to my stomach for more reasons then one. "So we have to reschedule your appointment for monday," the gal kindly says and apologises."We can give you a gas card if that will help you"...Uh , Heck with a gas card, I was upset and a bit selfish for the moment thinking I can't drink this stuff again. Then I was concerned for the well-being of this young man and wondered if he is ok. I prayed for him under my breath and accepted the fact that I will be back there on Monday. As I said goodbye to my Dr. and drove away within minutes from the clinic,  I flew the car door open in a very nice residential area , near a school and projectiled the vanilla shake of Barium 3 times. I was able to text my daughter as I felt I was going to pass out, Uh gross right. This I was trying to avoid and could know longer. I was able to get to the clinic which was fortunatly close by and continued getting sick, The staff saw immediately something was wrong as I layed on their bathroom floor very ill. My head was pounding. So that was my day...horrible. They were able to get fluids back in to me with an IV and a shot.
When these kind of things happen you think, ok lord what was my lesson today?  Patience, endurance,perseverance....I  cried on my way home from the clinic, crying out to God, why lord? All these experiences do bring greater compassion to others for I know I am not the only one who is experienceing these things. It just isn't fun! My strength today became my weakness amongst it all. I know the sun will shine tomorrow in this desert so I will press on believing still that God has a plan in all of this, I just need to keep praying and believing. I was grateful my daughter and grandchildren were at the hotal to greet me and change my focus of pity, Even in the toss and turn of the battle of cancer I will keep my focus on Him. (Psalm 62:5) My hope comes from Him)
Although I may be suffering through these test of Life as I call them, I am learning blessings of compassion and patience.

Birthdays

I Love Birthdays! When you are a child you look forward to blowing out the candles on the cake, making a wish and presents. As you get older flowers tickle your heart and bring joy. Some of us don't like to be reminded of a year gone by and the reality we are getting older. I look at them differant now. Today I received beautiful flowers, went out with a dear friend for dinner and bought shoes, lol...tradition to myself.

I celebrate today because I have so  much to be thankful for! This day is a celebration of who we are and a reminder each year of what we have accomplished and had to walk through. Birthdays are a reflection of our journey of Life and what it has taken us through. So I reflect on how blessed I have been to have had 6 more years to celebrate life when I shouldn't have. It's a day to celebrate  and thank-God, for this is another year, He has fullfilled His promise. But more importantly I have experienced  fullness in my Life because of this relationship with Christ. I have seen incredible events, sorrows and accomplishments in my family this year. Even in the midst of this threat of cancer I have peace. I am in the palms of his hands. So I rejoice today in God. Believing there is purpose in this trial. I am Alive, (John 11:4) states," this sickness will not end in death." In my Birthday Celebration I recognise He has brought me thus far and will continue to do so. My prayers have been answered and my birthday wish is to Live Life; another year gone by, a reminder of  (Titus 1:2) He is faithful.

The Clinic, the first few days...Let the Battle begin

It is always pure relief when I walk into those clinic doors. Because I know the care and compassion that exist's there. The genuine warm feeling the staff shows is comfort and healing. Dr. Sam's concern and understanding heart is on the forefront everyday, it is such a blessing to be under his care and expertise.

Monday Day 1: After my heart to heart with Dr. Sam I started my day with the usual thorough blood work and urine analysis. I was anxious to get that over because I had to fast and my belly was yelling "feeed me" then 75 cc of IV therapy of vitamin C, the microwave treatment which is lethal to cancer tissues but not injurious to other cells like radiation would be,  and an occasional shot in the buttock is quite a jolt to the system today. My body is getting an amazing amount of high quality supplements and it will boost my immune system but usually those first couple days, there can be a cleansing reaction and it whipps you. All those vital nutrients actually causes fatigue. I wasn't even quite sure how I drove back to my homestead. Thank God he is my pilot and is carrying me. I was able to relax for the evening.

Day 2: I woke up a bit more bloated in the abdomen today, the accumilation of fluid was very uncomfortable, probably from the IV's so I was anxious to get back to the clinic to  see my bloodwork results. I always get anxious to see these results because they tell the story. Dr. Sam was concerned about the fluid and the bloodwork so we  changed things up today and did a Poly-MVA IV with not so much fluid intake, no C's today, but I did  the microwave therapy which I should explain is this piece of equipment which heats up the area of concern above normal body temperature. I started oxygen today since cancer doesn't like that either. Dr. Sam thought a diretic to get some of the fluid off too. It's all about balance. The numbers from my blood work were not what I was expecting. I think we always have in the back of our mind that it isn't going to be that bad but numbers don't lie. The crazy thing was although my CA 125 marker was high, most everything else looked normal. Normal range should be <36, mine was 323 H. The CA 27.29 normal range should be <38 and mine was 794 H....Ugh, I wanted to cry.When I started this protocol 6 years ago I had more out of range results so was I to be encouraged by that??  Dr. Sam put on his game face with me and said we will fight this and get through it. He saw my frustration and ck'd on me periodically through out the day.

Day 3: Felt much better today upon arrival of the clinic...back to the IV of C's and usual protocol.
            After the clinic I wasn't as fatigued today so I went to Wed. evening church to receive my strength in God (Ex.15:2)...The Lord is my strength , he is my power, my lifter to face this trial

Meditation and VisualizationTherapy

Arizona countdown......Only days before I take off into the warmth of the desert....I am looking forward to the beautiful sunsets, warm sunny days, a daily routine of IV therapys,walks in the desert but more importantly finding Peace with God. It seems I hear those small still voices the most when I am in the comfort of my surroundings. No distractions but just seeking God and visulizing His healing power even with the IV in my arm dripping a pure vitamin C drip. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our day to day it becomes hard to hear Him with all of our busy-ness. As we just celebrated Easter I  made the commitment to celebrate the cross and the sacrifice every day. The message my pastor gave at church inspired me to not let this be a one day a year event. My relationship with Christ is the most important thing to me. He suffered a hideous death not even comprehendable to me. Because Jesus suffered for you and me; all we need to do is Believe. Sounds so simple but we make it so complicated. He did it for our sin and our sickness of disease. So I am placing all my Hope in Him for my healing. I am counting on the Word of God and the scriptures. I am Receiving His divine assurance of what happened at the cross and the resurrection is for me today. I LITERALLY SAY IT, I Repeat over and over, "By His stripes I am Healed".
 " (Romans 4:23 -25) states those who trust in what Christ has done will receive favor and blessings from God" But even as a Believer I still struggle in my own weakness. My pain of this disease doesn't compare with what He experienced and I am reminded of that especially at Easter. It seems I get the strongest attack from the enemy when I am grumbling and murmering of the unpleasantness of it all. As I look forward to the atmosphere of the desert it reminds me of  (Jesus) and the bareness of the land excemplifies of His lonliness He must of experienced. As I look forward to the atmosphere and warmth of Arizona realizing the beauty of the desert is differant..In the midst of the bareness of the land, in the thorns of a cactus; a beautiful flower will appear. And as I draw nearer to Him, I feel Him, around me, comforting me, giving me strenth each day to persevere. Believing in the midst of this He has a plan for me as I walk through each day trusting in this aggreement with Him there is LIFE even in the desert.That no matter what it looks like now there is Hope. He will meet me there in the desert of Arizona. I will talk out loud, I will dance for joy because Jesus is alive . I WILL FOCUS ON HIS PRESENCE,  NOT ON THE DISCOMFORTS OF THE DISEASE like a cactus prickling, but THINKING OF THE CROSS, THE RESURRECTION AND HIS DIRECTION! There a beautiful flower will appear.